At two thirty in the morning, when you were killed, I was still dreaming whereas I should have felt that they took away my young friend. And there I was dreaming a sweet dream that will never repeat itself. I was dreaming of light and of good, and I am still with the first light of morning and the barking of the dogs and banging on the door and four soldiers in uniform and you are already gone. On that morning instead of waking up from a nightmare I have woken up into one. It all happened so quickly, I haven’t yet come to realize the meaning of it all and a few hours later we were separated. Under blue sky and trees and amid a peaceful setting of flowers and birds singing all around us and on our left a placid sea and hotels, we stood shocked, refusing to believe that its over. Your gone. And I am looking around me and the question of “why” remains, surrounds us and as if it were hovering above us together with the pack of ravens, raising her offspring where death is nesting… Yesterday I looked again at our last pictures together at our trip to Budapest, you are standing there on the bank of the river, smiling as always , standing tall, and there we are, the three of us Roi, you, and me, together in a restaurant , raising a glass for the continuation of a fun trip, smiling, laughing, wishing to freeze the moment so it would never end. I awake at nights with fear trying to think and imagine what happened there that night, what you were thinking at that time, were you listening to music or talking on the phone and were you even aware of what had happened? I don’t know how it happened- but I do have an image of my own for your last moment… your gorgeous smile that you always had. I am sitting in your room and trying to remember. On the shelf lies a cigarette box that you left in the exact same spot, to the right of the purple lighter. On the desk the belt we brought back from Germany and the open bottle of aftershave which you probably used just a few hours before you “left”. The whole set is waiting for you alone but you shall not return. Just before you went out that night, you came down to Roi and me to show us what your wearing and to ask for our opinion. “how do I look “ you said, and that was that, that was your farewell. I remember I told you as always: ”Nir, you look amazing, your gonna’ knock them off their feet”. You knocked us all off our feet only a few hours later. Nir, if I would have only known this, if I would have only known that this was going to be the last time I would see you I would have hugged you and held you as hard as I can and no one would have been able to take you away from me. Dikla, 5 December 2004.