7/12/2003 Nir For 30 days now I have been listening to stories about you and cannot have enough. Like any other mother who is proud of her offspring my heart is full with pride and makes room for all the love that keep flowing from you to me – but then another part in me sends the full power of the pain that cuts my soul like a hot blade that was just pulled from the fire and the frustration makes my brain mad. You have been one among 4 children. Ever since I remember myself I had a dream to have a big family and to have 4 children and to you all – I gave all my love and all my energies. I spent time with you I learned how to enjoy football so I could stay in business I traveled abroad with you on every possible occasion I cried with you when you were hurting and any time one of you wanted to join daddy and me for a holiday it was as if I won the lottery because who can show me another teenager age 18 that would like to travel with his/her parents- just before joining the army? Who would go for a weekend with his mother to London? Who would go with his pals and parents all together abroad? Nir – we will keep on being the wonderful big family that you knew- that is our strength! And you will keep on living in our hearts and like daddy says we will keep on drinking wine at every meal and raise a glass of wine for you and keep on traveling together abroad and you will be with us, we will keep on having Zeev’s and Roi’s and Hadas’s friends like it used to be in our happy house. And you Nir will be with us and we will cry whenever we want to. They ask me where do I get the strength to think like that and to cope with the bomb that shattered my life like this. I always had great strength to give you, family members, friends and others who need it and now I draw that strength from you Nir . All that strength I gave you for 19 years and that you took and shaped your wonderful character only to become the king of the world or as best described by your commander, “a real Field Marshall in civilian life” Your presence that is felt everywhere gives both dad and me the strength to keep on going. To keep on loving our friends and Zeev’s , Roi’s and Hadas’s and your friends that engulfed us with endless love and support throughout the horrible period from that terrible moment and to keep hugging with love all the wonderful family that surrounds us. And you my darling Zvika , my soul mate lifelong friend. My loved one. I promise (though difficult it will be) to keep walking the path you chose for us and that with your wisdom you managed to give us and to keep the family together and the happiness of our children and to make you happy in every way I can. And to you my dear children Zeev , Roi and Hadas I promise to keep on being your support any time you will need me to keep on giving you all my support and love and be happy with you at every moment of happiness in your lives. Every smile of yours makes me happy and when you will see me with sadness in my eyes please do understand that now it is a part of me – but only one part. Dear Mum and Dad please be strong for us, I am proud of you for the way you are coping with this tragedy and give us the strength to carry on. I would like to finish with the words of our poet Yehuda Amichai , a poem I did a project on in high school and it’s words are still echoing in my mind whenever I think of all the young people surrounding us day by day and in my heart a pray for their safekeeping and so he wrote: God Has Pity On Kindergarten Children God has pity on kindergarten children, He pities school children -- less. But adults he pities not at all. He abandons them, And sometimes they have to crawl on all fours In the scorching sand To reach the dressing station, Streaming with blood. But perhaps He will have pity on those who love truly And take care of them And shade them Like a tree over the sleeper on the public bench. Perhaps even we will spend on them Our last pennies of kindness Inherited from mother, So that their own happiness will protect us Now and on other days. Tali Nir’s mother